Friday, June 03, 2011
You know you're on deadline
You know you're on deadline when:
-- The refrigerator is full of boxes of Chinese carryout.
-- The milk is sour.
-- There are no clean clothes. There are no clean dishes.
-- You find yourself mentally moving the commas around when your daughter speaks.
-- There is no dog food. There has not been any dog food for some time. No one is saying what the dog's been eating.
-- Your three koi have mysteriously transformed into four goldfish.
-- Every surface of every room in the house is covered with stuff.
-- The rug is the color of cat hair. It didn't used to be.
-- A cold, stiff, mummified piece of pizza lurks in the toaster oven and nobody remembers putting it in there.
-- You have 1687 messages in your inbox.
-- There's a pile of newspapers at the bottom of the drive.
-- Outside, in the planter, the mint has died.
-- Your head is stuffed with something. Styrofoam?
-- You do not merely fall asleep sitting up. You fall asleep standing.
-- Someone asks, "Is this the book about Adrian Hawker?" and you can't remember.
-- You hurt. Everywhere. The words carpal tunnel syndrome are mentioned.
-- Your desk is two feet deep in advertising flyers and bills.
-- The nice people from the electric company are calling to discuss nonpayment of some of those bills.
-- When somebody speaks to you, there's a half second lag before you reply
-- Your feet stick to the kitchen floor.
-- You plan to hire somebody in a HazMat suit to clean the refrigerator.
-- The Dust Bunnies have declared your house to be a Dust Bunny Republic. They are printing up postage stamps.